Fox Mulder (FM): Hey Scully look at this headline from the February 26 National Post: Defence Department on Alien Alert. Two scientists from the Defence Research Establishment in Valcartier, Quebec are concerned that "inexperienced UFO fanatics could invite an alien invasion." Hey Scully look at this headline from the February 26 National Post: Defence Department on Alien Alert. Two scientists from the Defence Research Establishment in Valcartier, Quebec are concerned that "inexperienced UFO fanatics could invite an alien invasion."

Dana Scully (DS): Mulder, the last Canada joke you told was that groaner about their offensive corporate welfare programs-

FM: But Scully, like corporate welfare, this is no joke. These scientists are so concerned that they wrote to the Prime Minister (PM) asking for the regulation messages destined for UFOs. But Scully, like corporate welfare, this is no joke. These scientists are so concerned that they wrote to the Prime Minister (PM) asking for the regulation messages destined for UFOs.

DS: Canadian taxpayers should be asking what the h^&% the feds are doing with their tax dollars Canadian taxpayers should be asking what the h^&% the feds are doing with their tax dollars

FM: Dana, don't be so scientific and skeptical, this is important stuff. I need to ask these "esteemed" scientists some important questions:

How do they determine the difference between "inexperienced" and "experienced" UFO fanatics Is there a UFO watchers union If so, are they part of PSAC or PIPS And when these guys are sending their electronic postcards to the grey men in the stars, are both official languages being used

DS: Okay Mulder, I have a few questions of my own. If the PM acquiesces and does attempt to regulate these messages, I wonder which Minister will be responsible. Will it fall to Sheila Copps as the Minister responsible for the CRTC Should Lloyd Axworthy be in charge because this is a foreign affairs issue Or should it be Paul Martin Making contact with aliens would put him over the top in the unofficial Liberal leadership race! And we shouldn't rule out John Manley, who probably has some Technology Partnerships Canada (TPC) money kicking around for alien contact.

FM: Scully, you've done your homework on Canadian politics. I would put my money on Manley because he could argue that the recent WTO ruling on TPC is not applicable to inter-stellar projects.

DS: Hey Mulder, what if the Canucks do make contact with an alien government and learn that their leader has just died Do you think the PM would be able to cut short his skiing or golf to make the funeral

FM: That's a good one Scully -

DS: Mulder, don't interrupt me. Do you think our northern neighbours would be receptive to new "alien" approaches to public policy

FM: Don't count on it. When it comes to being open to innovative and foreign solutions to public policy problems, Canadian legislators are pretty xenophobic. Whether it be their crumbling public pension plan or trillions of dollars in unfunded liabilities in health care, Canadian politicians prefer to live in TaxIncrease land as opposed to creatively tackling problems.

DS: Mulder, I don't want to go to Canada. I hear that Ottawa is too cold and after my experience in the Antarctic in "Fight the Future", I've had enough snow and ice for one lifetime. Besides, my research shows that their taxes are out of control.

FM: Good point. From bracket creep to CPP increases to user fees, I feel sorry for Canadian taxpayers. You know, I hope the PM ignores these scientists and allows the unrestricted flow of UFO messages. The aliens might respond with compelling evidence of how tax cuts worked on their planet. Good point. From bracket creep to CPP increases to user fees, I feel sorry for Canadian taxpayers. You know, I hope the PM ignores these scientists and allows the unrestricted flow of UFO messages. The aliens might respond with compelling evidence of how tax cuts worked on their planet.

DS: Paul Martin has so far ignored any earthly evidence about the merits of real tax cuts- maybe new information from the cosmos may change his mind.

FM: I doubt it, he's a taxaholic. We have a better chance of getting the "cigarette man" to work with us than Canadians have of getting real tax relief in the near future.